Rejection Proof by Jai Jaing: A Lesson in Rejection Therapy
I stumbled upon the idea of rejection therapy, Jia Jiang and his book rejection proof after randomly seeing it show up in a google talks series then again in my audible suggestions. Probably audible trying to be a therapist again but I took the bait.
Jai Jaing’s Story of Rejection Therapy.
Like many people Jai was “successful” on paper but like he tells the audience internally felt very stagnant. His friends and family thought he was doing great but he lacked personal fulfillment because he never built up the courage to go after his dreams. This ultimately left him living in a constant state of fear.
By the way this guy is so likeable. You can’t not watch that video and have some compassion/empathy for the guy.
He continues on …
Jai reveals there was an event that took place when he was six where he felt publicly rejected at school. This might be part of the reason he’s so likeable, he’s relating to everyone in history. I think every person can think back to a time in their childhood where they felt some type of rejection. Unfortunately he was still feeling the pain of that rejection event into his 30’s. The turning point came after he was once again rejected, this time for an investment by a potential investor. This is when he decided to start looking for solutions and hopefully change his life.
By way of the Rejection Therapy website he was introduced to the idea of purposely seeking out rejection. He was so dedicated to breaking his old habits he decided to commit to what he coined “100 days of rejection”. Just like the name implies everyday he would go ask someone for something ridiculous, LOOKING to get rejected. He even made videos of all the rejections.
I watched a few of them and to be blunt they can be super awkward. For example when he asks random strangers in a parking lot to go to dinner with him, that’s cringe worthy. Exactly the point I suppose
Then there were a few videos that were totally opposite of what I expected. If you’ve heard of Jia Jiang before it’s likely because you’ve seen one of his viral videos.
Like the time he goes into Crispy Cream asks the lady to make him donuts that are in the shape of the olympic rings. For some reason the lady becomes completely enthralled by the request and debates how she’s going to handle this for like 20 minutes. Then comes up with her own solution and even gives him a gift!
The two main points I pulled out of the book are:
1. Realize why you’re scared of rejection.
Jai talks about how rejection is typically hard solely because you can’t blame anyone but yourself. This comes down to a self awareness thing. If you are fully comfortable with yourself then it’s naturally going to be less frightening for you to accept that blame.
2. If you’re getting rejected you’re probably on the right track.
Peter Thiel talks about this in Zero to One as well. He mentions if you aren’t being called crazy to begin with your idea probably isn’t going to be that impactful.
So how can you start becoming rejection proof?
Jai recommends taking on your own rejection challenge so you can be comfortable with hearing no. After all that “no” is just someone’s opinion. Their opinion ultimately reflects more on them than it does on you.
The last tip that Jai offers is that if you are hearing a lot of no’s just ask why. The reason that person is rejecting you is a lot of times something totally different then what you would imagine. If you understand why that person is saying no you have a much better chance of ultimately getting to a yes.
The secret of getting what you want – just ask for it.